No Doubt

((( Since I am a six hour drive from my hometown today and won’t be returning for Thanksgiving I thought I would be creative an write a post. )))

Doubt is an interesting little animal. I see him as a soft, white, furry little monster I can hold in the palms of my hands. Although cute and entertaining, doubt also has the ability to kill and if I don’t watch him closely he will sneak up and attack me when I least expect it, sinking his tiny little teeth into the jugular of my existence.

From the time that I was young I have dealt with issue of self worth, maybe it’s because I was an awkward kid who was great in situations that were one on one but horrible in the crowds. And at every turn doubt was my closest friend.

I have always been the withdrawn type, the thinking type and throughout many parts of life I would close my self off and retreat into the recesses of my mind. Doing this has made me self-sufficient. But it also gave me a false sense that I didn’t need anyone or anything, because I had me and well that was enough.

But as I’ve grown older I realized that a person needs things, things like community and friends and a place to vent and be them self’s without having doubt looming over their head, making it feel as though the weight of their decisions could, in some way, alter the known universe with one crushing blow.

Given way, doubt has the ability to seeps into every pour of your being and prevents you from taking risks and risk is necessary for survival, especially for a man. A man needs to feel he is at odds with the world. That he has taken it on and had concurred its soul crushing abilities. And he cannot do this without taking risks. So I run to Home Depot where I drool over power tools and grunt on caveman like fashion whenever I get the chance.

What I’m taken away from these lessons on doubts is the idea that God wants us to live life and to live it well, to feel free of doubt and worry. That doubt and risk are polar opposites in a sense. I am in many ways a natural risk taker. I come up with the crazy ideas like traveling across continents alone, to search for meaning and light. Or when I was younger skateboarding down freshly paved country roads, passing cars in a 55mph zone. These are the easy risks for me. But trusting that life will work out, trusting that God has a plan for me these are risks that scare me.

After experiencing a long November in my life, not the actual month, but a season of suffering I am now coming to a point where risk is needed. I need to feel like I am on that edge, I think we all need that feeling. So I am going to take that furry little mudsucker called doubt and smack him around and maybe make him cry a little.

How about you, what has doubt stolen from you?